Goodbye Emil

It’s been 2 days since Emil and I broke up. It was a decision I made that needed not much thinking because I know from day 1 that he’s not worth it. Our so-called relationship lasted for almost 4mos. Good thing it only lasted 4 months because I don’t think I can handle another 4 months with him.
My closest friends know what kind of a person Emil is. He’s got a serious problem with his alcohol intake, in other words he’s alcoholic. I don’t know how I tolerated his drinking knowing that I don’t drink alcohol and I hate the smell of it. But then I realized that the good person in me wanted to help someone like him. 1st date he was so drunk, 2nd date the same, 3rd date and so on and so forth he was still drunk. Every night we’re together he was always drunk so I had to take care of him. But 2 nights ago was the last straw. He was so drunk that he started accusing me as a user and calling me bitch…that’s way too much for me to handle. I said to myself that I have to give him up because he never made me feel good anyway and the worst is he always accused me of something that I am not or I never did.
I think was fascinated with the idea of having a boyfriend, again. But then I realized that being with someone who can’t make you feel good and doesn’t see my worth is pointless and complete waste of time.
I would rather be single and happy than be in a commitment with a complete loser and a monster.

missing home ;-(

Hi...another post from me. I have the luxury of going online everyday because i had my smart bro installed..not bad huh?!
anyway, i just came back from negros occidental. Kabankalan and Bacolod to be more specific. I left Cebu sunday last week for bacolod. Im not the trainer who's supposed to handle bacolod but the trainer assigned there got sick so i took over. Anyways, i spent my sunday night in bacolod city, which by the way is my favorite area in vismin. Monday morning we went to kabankalan, a 2hr drive from Bacolod City. I love long drive coz i enjoy looking at the beautiful sceneries. Well, most of the views that i saw was sugarcanes coz im in negros occidental, and the place is known to be the largest producer of sugar in the entire country. But nevertheless i enjoyed the looking at them. The place was really so probinsya. No taxi's, mall is really tiny, and the only fast food chain that they have is jollibee, pakshet diba? The best thing about it is i stayed there for 4 nights...Gosh! The place where i stayed is a pension house, i decided to get the room which is P1200/ night, which is w/in the company's budget, and i had 3 beds inside the room...haha, wala lang. Just trying to maximize the budget. Anyways i had my 5 day training and it was ok naman...the venue sucks though, walang matinong lugar, so i think the restaurant where we had the training was already the best there...hahaha. Anyways training ended yesterday, friday, and we drove back to Bacolod. I stayed in my favorite hotel L'fisher...they got the best food and the best rooms. We arrived bacolod 9pm. The manager was asking me to have dinner w/ her but i declined because i am meeting up with Stephen and Maritoni...Ive been wanting to hang out with them for the longest time. When i arrived the hotel, i went to my room and phoned Stepehen and i took a bath.10pm stephen was already at the lobby and as usual was already typsy...hahaha...we decided to have dinner at the hotel coz i havent had my dinner yet. Of course im eating my food and stephen was drinking his beer. It was so nice to see him after 2mos...stephen is the bestfriend of my bf, emil. after my dinner, we picked up Maritoni and we went to this billiard place where the old folks hang out. There, i met stephens friends, old guys who belong to the prominent families of Bacolod. They were a bit scary because i feel like theyre scrutinizing me from head to foot...as if its their 1st time to see a lovely young woman like me..hahaha, kapal!...but they were all nice naman i hope so. I ordered sisig and mountain dew, maritoni and stephen had their beers and we decided to stayed there for a bit. Stephen was forcing me to drink though. Since i cant tolerate the taste of beer, we decided to transfer place because they only serve beer and softdrinks. We went to cafe breizh, a nice, cool, cozy club and this is where i 1st met my bf emil (hehehe, reminiscing) Too many cars were parked outside because there was a guest dj from club embassy of manila...There i decided to order 2 glasses of margaritas. I was drinking and dancing...I love clubbing, it gives me a different high. I also met Dondi, emil's good friend whos here for a vacation. We just said our hi's and hello's...Well stephen was totally drunk or should i say wrecked already...But its not the 1st time i saw him that wrecked so im not really surprised. Even if he's drunk, he's still the one driving...Around 3am we decided to go home but we stopped in this kainan place coz stephen is craving for cansi...hes drunk and he wanted to eat, hahaha...4am we reached my hotel and we all decided to call it a night...6am i woke up coz my flight back to cebu was 840am...I took my breakfast then packed my stuff then went to the airport...the flight was delayed because the plane was coming from manila and of course due to bad weather, flight was delayed...at 10am i was already at mactan airport and i headed home...
I felt sad again..I hate it when i have to stay here in cebu...I dont know if i hate cebu in general or i just dont like the place where i am staying...I feel so alone whenever i am here...that is why id rather travel and be away from this place...
May and his bf is here in cebu to celebrate their 2nd year anniv...we decided to meet and had lunch and coffee...it was fun seeing her again...May is one of my good friends at work...I miss her a lot and how i wish i can go back to manila so that we can do the same stuff that we used to do. we decided to say goodbye around 4pm because they need to catch the supercat ferry that leaves at 5pm going to bohol...i came back here at my place and i feel so alone again...Im thinking if my mom also misses me the same way i misses her? I feel like crying again.. Not to mention that today is the bday of my father...I really wanted to go home...My real home, where i will be with my loved ones...I hope God will answer my prayers....I feel sad, i feel so alone...i wish i could go home really really soon...

my life the past 4 months.

hello. as im writing this blog entry, i am inside my hotel room here in bacolod. Yes, i am in bacolod not for leisure but coz of work. Good thing this hotel has wifi...sosyal!
Hay!!! work na naman. Honestly i am getting tired of my job. I love traveling but if you go to the same places over and over again, you get tired of it. Not that i dont like bacolod, i actually love bacolod, of all the places in vismin this is my favorite because i have friends here and my bf's roots are from here. hehe..But aside from those, bacolod is a real nice place...laid back but they got everything...Love the nearby towns also, they got nice view...Well i am here simply because the trainer assigned here is sick. So i have to take over his session tomorrow till friday. But my session will not be here, its going to be in "kabangkalan"...2 hrs away from bacolod. I am just staying here for 1 night. Grabe pagod na pagod na ako. My life the past few months was really fast. In 4mos. i met my bf, and we broke up many times already, i actually lost count na. But we still end up together. I was relocated in Cebu and this is my 3rd month. Been to dumaguete and tagbilaran several times and im getting tired of the places. I gained 10lbs and shed it off too...all happened in 4mos...Grabe pagod na pagod na ako and i am not happy. I really wanna go back to manila and be with my family and true friends again. I am not even taking any effort in Cebu to meet new friends. Just wanna go back home... I dont like the place where i am staying in Cebu. My land lady is emil's cousin and i cant bring any guy friends in my place...take note, friends,...bantay sarado ako. and gosh, super dami nilang dogs. automatic at 6am, and thats everyday, they started making noise, so may alarm clock ako. i hate dogs pa naman. tapos ang dami pang black ants sa kitchen ko, kahit na anong linis ng kitchen ko puro ants pa din...shet! and the worst is theyre charging me electricity bill which i didnt really consume. Tangina 1st month P1500...take note i am out all the time, and when i say out...out of town. Month of july my land lady just gave me my bill, P2500...tangina, as if sa mansion ako nakatira. eh parang bird cage ang bahay ko no. and the only appliances that i have is AC, electric fan, tv, coffee maker and electric stove which i seldom use. i dont know how they compute my bill but sobrang laki. eh bahay namen sa manila 3k/ month. tangina complete appliances na yon ha. funny pa i dont have my own meter so how the hell are they computing for my own consumption. gosh pineperahan ata ako. i feel bad lang coz shes the cousin of my bf. they never showed me the electric bill so ewan ko na lang. everything in cebu sucks! well its like manila, including the traffic, but im not really enjoying my stay. so i am applying for another job now so that i'll be base in manila again. well atleast i experienced being alone. i am learning so many things din naman. but i would really like to go back home. i hate this...grrrr....

im back...

kamusta naman? finally naka log in na din ako sa blog ko. weird that i cant remember my password, finally ok na :-)

whats new? gosh ang dami! im now staying here in cebu since june this year. this is really a life changing moment for me. i am here all because of my passion for work, nyek! well i really dont have a choice. or i did have a choice naman pala. to accept this offer or to resign from work. obviously i chose to be here, i cant afford to resign because i enjoy what i am doing and i need money, yun na! my 1st month here in cebu was ok. my boyfriend emil was staying with me. i really didnt think of home that much. we would go out every night, hotel and bar hopping, in short i have company. he left june 24 for canada. well he lives there so he needs to go back. then thats the timei felt so alone. month of july i was almost out of town everyweek. ive been to different areas here in visayas, dumaguete, tagbilaran, bacolod so i didnt think of home that much. 1st week of august i found myself so homesick and next thing i know i was already crying and when i say crying, i was crying like a baby. i miss home so much. i miss the home cooked meal, i miss my house, my bed, my friends and my family. i used to love long weekends. but now that i am living alone, i hate it. But the next thing i know i was already back in manila. august 2 i decided to take a leave from work and go home. it was holiday here in cebu august 6 so its the best time to go home. i took the 830am flight cebu-manila via cebu pacific. my mom picked me up at the airport and i can feel that she was happy to see me. i enjoyed every minute of my stay in manila. thursday afternoon i went to the mall with charlene and had my nails done, just like what i used to do. friday morning i had my exam from another company because i am that eager and decided to quit my current job just to go back to manila. lunchtime i met up w/ a good friend tammy and we had lunch. after that i passed by our head office in enterprise to visit my co workers and had coffee at starbucks w/ my good friend May. I told her all about my life in cebu, how sad i am and how i wanted to go back home. Friday night i felt something different, i felt sick. Had my temperature checked only to find out i had fever, all becasue of over fatigue, too much work. My tita gave me massage and i drank medicine. Thank God the next day i was ok. Saturday night i met up w/ val and was so happy to see her. we went to greenhills promenade, had dinner at teriyaki boy and dessert at bizu. i enjoyed that night and i savor every minute of it coz i know i'll be back in cebu soon. i miss hanging out with her. I know if Val is with me in cebu, i will not feel that sad. Yes i am really sad here, i guess the right word is really depressed. Sometimes i will just cry because i felt so alone. this is my 3rd month in cebu and i know i cant last for another 9mos. NO WAY! i will go back to manila and that is for sure. Sunday, my family and i went to the cemetery to visit my dad. Monday was the day i really hated because i have to fly back to cebu. The next thing i know i was already in the plane and already in cebu. grabe so so sad!!! i cant wait to go back home, this time for good. Cebu is a nice place but nothing compares home. I dont have much friends here and i dont really want to meet new friends because i dont like cebuanos that much, they have this certain attitude that i dont really like. If im home, i just go online and checked my email and friendster. Thats my life here. Right now i just wanted to go back to manila and work in a different company. I am not happy with my life now but i am trying hard not to think of it too much coz i know it wont do me any good. But im keeping my hopes high and i am praying that i will be home soon....